OK, I've decided: I'm putting my runners on eBay.
My runners, I figure, will be my key to a happy retirement - or at least, get me an around-the-world cruise, or two movie tickets and a big tub of popcorn.
Hey, look what Kanye's got.
Kanye, of course, is Kanye West, the rapper who designed a pair of runners for Nike. The Air Yeezy II runners hit the market not lot ago, creating a bit of an - ahem - stir.
Folks all over North America camped out all night for a chance to get their hands on the limitededition sneakers. Many of those who managed to score then offered them up on eBay, earning what might be described as a modest profit. A price tag of more than $90,000 for a pair that had been pre-ordered is modest, right?
Now I have no expectation that my runners will fetch anything in that neighbourhood, but there's no reason to think I can't still make me a buck or two.
Granted, Kanye's have glow-in-the-dark soles, and mine do not. No problem.
Nothing that a few strips of reflector tape can't correct.
And true, Kanye's also have faux reptile skin, which mine do not. Frankly, I don't care for reptile skin, faux or otherwise, and think my shoes are better off without it. More appealing, it seems to me, are clean and sturdy laces, which my runners happen to have.
Then there's the bit about symmetry. That's right. In marketing the shoes, the folks at Nike proclaimed that Kanye's shoes have "a greater sense of symmetry."
Heck, the only difference between the two is that one is right and one is left. Talk about a sense of symmetry.
Now granted: some would argue that the biggest thing that differentiates Kanye's shoes from mine is that his are limited-edition.
However, I would argue that while anyone might be able to buy my particular runners, no one would be able to find the specific pair. Only mine, I must point out, have been living inside my front door and in my closet shoe rack. Only mine have housed my feet.
I plan to put them on eBay, and earn myself some dough. My shoes are clean and fairly new. Let the bidding war begin.