Well, hello 2020.
I really like the sound of you. Twenty. Twenty. It’s somewhat poetic, and rather nice and clean. Way, way better, oh, than 2019.
You’re probably not familiar with 2019, though, given that you’re just a baby and he’s the old guy just making his exit.
Perhaps you passed him when you came in the door and he was ambling out? Probably didn’t have much time for a chat, I imagine, given your quick turnaround, so let me tell you a bit about what’s coming.
First of all, there’s January, a month most people aren’t terrible fond of. Most folks are nursing holiday hangovers and dealing with nasty credit card statements, so if you happen to have any ins with Mother Nature, you might want to suggest that she shouldn’t usher in a winter storm, okay? People would not be amused.
In February, you’re going to find that mid-month, people are going to be buying chocolate and flowers for each other. It’s kind of weird. Supposed to be about love, but it’s really about filling the tills of the candy shops and the florists.
March and April are about spring and Easter. The latter is not observed on a fixed date each year, but on a day that has something to do with a full moon. No idea how this works, so don’t ask me to explain. On Easter, people also buy lots of chocolate, but in this case, we’re talking chocolate eggs. Again, kind of weird.
In May, people like to celebrate their mothers, which is not weird at all, given that I am a mother and like to be celebrated. If you have any ins with my children, please tell them that I would prefer a spring coat to an instant pot, okay?
June is all about Father’s Day and the onset of summer. To me, the latter is more exciting. You are going to love summer, 2020, just as most people do. The first day of summer is what’s known as the longest day of the year. This means you can go for a walk at 9:30 p.m. and see clear to the end of the block. It’s cool.
July and August are also cool, 2020. You’re going to see folks really slow down and chill out in their bathing suits. You probably don’t know what a bathing suit is, but I can tell you that many people should not be wearing one.
Then there’s fall. September’s about back to school and October’s about putting candles in carved-out pumpkins. Don’t ask. It’s kind of weird.
What can I say about November 2020? Honestly, nothing much. It’s not my favourite month.
December, on the other hand, is another matter. People haul trees — yes, trees — into their living rooms and put sparkly things on them. Yes, weird, but fun nonetheless.
By then, 2020, you’ll be on your way out, so we probably shouldn’t dwell on December too much.
Right now, you’re just beginning, and I want to wish you well. Enjoy the weeks and months ahead. Welcome, 2020.