Finally! At long last, Nike has come to our rescue.
I’ve been waiting for this for years: self-tying shoes.
You hadn’t heard? Yes, friends, it’s true! The athletic giant has created state-of-the-art designer sneakers that will mean we no longer have to contend with such an annoying, time-consuming task. I don’t know about you, but this is going to save me from doing something that takes me — what? — 30 to 45 seconds. Holy moley! What’s not to love about that?
The shoes — smart shoes if there ever was such a thing — are controlled through an app and contain a small motor. Swipe your phone, and bingo! The shoe’s invisible “laces” will adjust to your fit precisely.
Sure, they’re a bit expensive — something in the ballpark of $350. But really, how can you put a price tag on something that will relieve us of such a horribly onerous task?
Think about it. The tying of one’s shoes is beyond painful. Heck, it’s about as disagreeable as zipping up a jacket. That usually takes me under 10 seconds, but man, what I would give for a self-zipping jacket, a self-zipping dress or a self-zipping pair of slacks!
We already have lamps that can be turned on and off with a simple clap, which is beyond wonderful since it’s so unpleasant to do the job manually. But heavens, in a perfect world — and I bet that world is coming — we’ll have many other things that can take care of themselves. Self-lighting birthday candles? Self-buttering toast? Self-flossing teeth? I’m not at all sure how that one would work, but it would be a life-changer, given that it usually takes me 20 seconds to floss my teeth. Twenty seconds! Man, that’s 20 seconds I could sure use to do something else! Like expound on the merits of self-tying shoes, for instance.
Which brings me back to the subject at hand: the amazing self-tying shoe. I don’t believe Nike has placed these in shoe stores yet, but that day is coming.
And in the years ahead, when people stumble upon shoelaces in the depths of their sock drawers, they’ll stare at them, perplexed.
The shoelace is heading for extinction, my friends. Can’t wait for the day when it’s gone.
