A Canadian paint manufacturer, I hear, is re-branding the names of some of its products. This, not necessarily to get an edge on the competition, but to better engage men in the painting process.
Yes. CIL Paints' new collection - it's called Ultimate Man Caves - is designed to put a more masculine spin on the coatings. The public was invited to weigh in, and asked to submit "manly monikers" via Facebook. And as a result, several paints were renamed.
What was Cloud Nine became Iced Vodka.
What was Romance became Bromance.
What was Plateau Grey became 5 o'clock Shadow.
Love it. But as much as I love it, I am not entirely sure that manly man of mine would be more apt to pick up a brush if he was dipping into Beer Time instead of Butterscotch.
He'd be more inclined, well, to dip into some other manly pursuit.
He'd head to the gym. He'd sit down to watch football. He'd go make himself a very manly sub that included two-and-ahalf pounds of manly deli meat. And then he'd wash it down, not with butterscotch, but with a good old manly pint.
It's all well and good to turn Pillar into Porcelain Throne, but I'm not entirely sure my man would take to it.
"Honey," I imagine myself saying, "I have a surprise for you! I got a gallon of Porcelain Throne! Now who wants to paint the bathroom?"
My manly man, I imagine, might be intrigued. But I'm thinking he'd also be apt to say: "I like the bathroom the way it is. Brown works for me. Or do you call that beige?"
But then, that may just be manly man. For all I know, other manly men across this great country have become smitten with the Ultimate Man Cave collection as we speak, and are rushing out to pick up cans of Peanut Butter Punch (formerly Pumpkin Face) and Pimpin' The Trans-Am (formerly Peacock's Plume).
Where once they were likely to think that painting was a woman's pursuit - or perhaps a painter's - they may now be rushing to fetch their spackle and tape and pulling on their coveralls.
But not my manly man. Truth is, he tends to think inside the paint box when he imagines colour. His palette, let's just say, has never included either Butterscotch or Beer Time, but has been limited to the primary tones, and all their variations.
Pumpkin Face? He'd call that orange. Twilight Zone? He'd call that black.
Our bathroom, let's just say, is not going to get a painting perk-up anytime soon - unless I take it on.
