I have never been able to understand why some women wear shoes that make them five, six, seven inches taller than they really are.
Men don't do that. Kids don't do that. Cats and dogs don't do that, and would likely still refrain from doing that even if they had access to shopping malls, debit cards and nylons.
I have never comprehended the high heel thing. Call me crazy, but when I put on shoes, I do so because I happen to be going outside and partaking in something called walking.
I have seen women wearing shoes with heels that I swear are eight inches or more in height. When they propel themselves forward, they are not walking so much as they are performing a high-wire act.
Yet, they're everywhere: the shoes and the women who wear them. Why just the other day when was taking the train in to work, I decided to take what I called a "shoe poll." (OK, so I'd forgotten my book, my laptop and my crossword, but it was important research nonetheless.)
Of the 10 women in my immediate vicinity, my shoe poll informed me that three were wearing runners, four were wearing sandals and the remainder were standing on stilts - or what looked like them.
I was the only woman - so far as I could see - who was wearing what I would call sensible shoes. You know. Black leather. Rubber soles. Heels a halfinch high.
Granted, they are not the most stylish of numbers. In fact, if someone else on the train had been conducting an "ugly shoe poll," there's every chance mine would have been singled out as the most noteworthy.
Still, there's very little chance - make that no chance at all - that I will ever tumble off my sensible shoes and land in the curb, which is something that I am sure must happen to high-heel women.
My sensible shoes, let's face it, also allow me to do things that high-heel women cannot. Like run for a bus, say. Or race up a flight of stairs.
When I wear my sensible shoes, I do not have to manage a balancing act. I simply have to put one sensible foot in front of the other and make my way to where I'm going - in a really sensible manner.
There are times, of course, when I get gussied up in the black dress and the pearls and all the requisite makeup. And yes, of course, I've been known to complement the presentation with shoes with a tad bit of height.
But the second I can - you betcha - I make my way back to the ground.
