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Living Matters: Every Kevin has his day

There is nothing the Internet can’t provide — especially when it comes to crazy information. Spend a few minutes web surfing and you’ll quickly discover the nuttiest things, which may or may not be true. Most toilets flush in E flat.
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There is nothing the Internet can’t provide — especially when it comes to crazy information.

Spend a few minutes web surfing and you’ll quickly discover the nuttiest things, which may or may not be true.

Most toilets flush in E flat. All swans in England belong to the Queen. It takes, on average, some 142.18 licks to reach the centre of a Tootsie pop.

Really? E flat? And 142.18 licks?

And then there’s this: there’s something called National Kevin Day. And it happens to be today.

Now I’m not sure if there also happens to be a National Barbara Day or a National Gertrude Day or a National Harvey Day — probably not — and I have no idea who invented a Kevin Day or how we’re supposed to observe it.

Heck, I don’t know anyone named Kevin. But If I did, I guess I’d ring him up and wish him a terrific Thursday and maybe tell him I’m going to raise a glass in his honour.

If I knew a Kevin, I might just write him a poem or a song. Chances are, I might buy him a Tootsie pop and ask him to count his licks.

If I was to properly celebrate National Kevin Day — and heaven only knows why I’d want to — I suppose I’d stand on a street corner with a clipboard and count the number of Kevins passing by. I’m sure I’d get a lot of odd looks from the Bills and Michaels and Wilburs (not to mention the Audreys and the Cocos) but at least I’d be in the Kevin spirit of things.

Anyone, it seems, can opt to assert anything when it comes to the worldwide web.

In that vein, I’d like to declare that the Basset hound is the third cousin, twice removed, of the armadillo.

I’d like to announce that left-handed people are three times as likely as right-handed people to wear Hawaiian shirts in November.

And I’d like to point out that a malapropism is not only an incorrectly used word, but also an after-dinner delicacy enjoyed by people who live in southern Bolivia.

National Kevin Day? Heck, next Thursday, I’d like to proclaim, is National Take-a-Radish-to-Work Day. I am imagining folks would celebrate by comparing the size, colour and crunchiness of their radishes, and by giving them names and writing stories about them.

Hey, why not?

Anything goes when it comes to the web. If Kevin can have his very own day, there ought to be one for the radish.