Half-price lunacy still isn’t worth it

Every so often, an email will pop up that invites me to partake in some local activity.

Usually, it’s some two-for-one affair. You know, for afternoon tea. For a foot massage. For a jewelry-making class.

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I like tea, I really do, especially in the afternoon, and especially when it’s accompanied by scones and crustless cucumber sandwiches.

I also like jewelry and I really like massages.

I do not, however, like some of the more recent activities being thrown my way.

Two weeks ago, I was invited to experience the dark table. Now I’m not sure if you’re familiar with the dark table, but it goes like this: You go to a restaurant. And you eat in the dark.

I may be in the minority here, but that does not sound like much fun to me, especially given that you have to pay to participate.

Really? I’m going to buck up to place some unidentified thing in my mouth? Like a pat of butter, say? Or the tablecloth?

I think not.

Then there’s the escape room. This one goes like this: You get locked in a room. And you have to figure out how to get out before the time runs out.

And again: you have to pay to do this.

This sounds right up there with the dark table as far as the fun factor is concerned. Get locked in a room? Voluntarily? Perhaps as a way of celebrating some milestone birthday or anniversary?

I think not. Sounds nothing at all like afternoon tea.

Then there was this: tandem skydiving.

OK, so you take part with an instructor, but still. I wouldn’t jump out of a plane any more than I’d jump from a moving car — or a moving merry-go-round, for that matter.

Tandem skydiving? Costs a fortune, even considering the two-for-one. And hey, when you don’t particularly like getting on a plane, why on earth would you pay big bucks to exit the unorthodox way, without even taking your carry-on bags?

I think I’ll take a pass.

If I want to live life on the edge, I think I might opt to do something else.

To me, edgy means going to the supermarket wearing sneakers without socks. I mean, how crazy is that? And there’s no cost involved!

And so, the next time some email pops up that invites me to do something bizarre — even at half the normal price — I’m going to delete it. There’ll be no dark table or escape room for me. But there may be a day without socks.

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