The fact that I have a new work phone is not particularly noteworthy. The fact that I'm too stupid to use it is another matter entirely.
My new phone, like my old phone, comes with numbers. It comes with a handset. It comes with a ringer.
It also comes with a 20-page manual. And let me just say this: I would rather read the telephone book than a 20-page telephone manual.
The manual tells me all about the many things I can do with my new telephone.
It can mute, hold, transfer, speed dial and call forward. Wouldn't be the least bit surprised if it can also pick up my dry cleaning and run to the ATM.
My 20-page manual also contains a picture of my telephone, along with a key that points to things like soft keys. I do not know what soft keys are, given that I'd always assumed all telephone keys had more or less the same feel. Soft? News to me.
Then there's the manual's Quick Start Guide. It details 20 telephone tasks, which would certainly not be quick where I am concerned.
Then again, I do not possess the PhD in telephone communications required for the operation of my new work phone.
The Quick Start Guide tells me things I did not know (how to host something called an 'ad hoc conference call'or how to participate in a 'meet me conference call') but also things I did.
An example of the latter: when you want to end a call, you should 'hang up the handset.'(Hello! I knew that! But one thing I would add: you should probably say 'Goodbye' first.)
This, ultimately, is all I really want to do with my phone. I want to answer it when it rings, and I want to hang up when I'm done. I do not want to manage my voicemail with a 'portal website for unity,'which is something described on page 14. I just want to order Chinese.
At my workplace, however, I will not be ordering Chinese or yakking with my sister.
I will be doing other things, and I am hoping beyond hope they do not include speed dials, calls forward or ad hoc conference calls.
Call me utterly antiquated, but I simply want to talk.
