Let's have a party. Heck, it's mid January. Christmas has come and gone. The bills are arriving. Winter's settled in. No one's pottering in the garden or tanning on the deck.
You could decide to hunker down. You could wrap yourself in blankets, park yourself in front of the television and camp out on the sofa until spring makes an appearance.
On the other hand, you could pick something - anything - to celebrate. Dill pickles, say. Pillowcases. Nail clippers. Cell phones. All wonders of the modern world.
I say we should have a party to give them their just rewards.
"This may sound weird," I said to the husband, "but what would you say if I suggested a tomato-themed party? I mean, tomatoes are pretty cool, and they're worth celebrating. And there's pretty much nothing to do at this time of year."
He nodded.
"And we'd do what?" he asked.
"I don't know," I said. "Maybe suggest the guests wear red. We'd ask them to invent songs and poems about tomatoes. We could serve bruschetta and sundried tomato risotto." OK, so it's lame. But I tried. And it beats the sofa camp-out.
"I'm wondering," said the husband, "if there are any other possibilities."
"Of course there are," I said. "But Hawaiian-themed parties are just so passé. And so are ugly sweater parties, Mardi Gras parties and Gatsby parties. We need to come up with something that no one's ever thought of."
The husband shrugged. He was lying on the couch beneath a blanket. If ever there was someone in need of a party, it was him.
"Let's see," I said. "We could celebrate coffee. Or candlesticks. Or Caribbean music."
"Candlesticks?" asked the husband.
"OK," I said. "Once again, admittedly lame."
I thought. And I thought some more.
"I have it!" I said. "We'll celebrate golf! We'll ask everyone to wear golf clothes - minus the spikes, of course - and we'll have putting contests and watch final rounds of the Masters! We'll make a cake in the shape of a golf ball and we'll play Name That Hole and Pin the Club on the Golfer!" The husband was starting to come around. He sat up and tossed the blanket aside.
"Yes," he said. "Yes. I can see this. We could even give away prizes. Like ball markers. And range tokens. And tees."
So there you have it: the party's set, and I can hardly wait.
I may not like those Christmas bills, but I love this time of year.
