Three years ago, I knew nothing about emoticons.
Three years ago, I was scarcely into texting. If I wanted to communicate with people, I did not do it on a phone with my fingertips. I called them up, reached for a pen and paper or suggested we meet for coffee.
I wouldn't have thought to include a smiley face at the end of my correspondence, and certainly not a drawing of a cat or a taxi or a Christmas tree.
That would have been, well, weird.
Fast forward to today. Today, I am queen of texting and empress of emoticons.
Today, my correspondence will go something like this. I will be texting, oh, a girlfriend, to firm up plans for an after-work glass of wine. Let's see, I will say to myself, scrolling through the image options. A happy face will be an obvious selection, I'll decide, as will a thumbs up and a bottle of bubbly.
But hey, I'll think, I'm also going to go with a knife and fork, since we might order food.
On another occasion, I will be texting the husband to ask him if he's checked the mail. The mailbox emoticon? Natch. An envelope? Of course. But perhaps also, oh, a picture of a barber's pole. Just to remind him his hair is getting shaggy.
I have no idea what kind of person creates emoticons, but I do know that it's a fairly recent line of work. Emoticon-creators, I imagine, work in fun, progressive, happy places where music is played 24/7, glazed donuts are offered free of charge and two-hour lunch breaks are the norm. Emoticoncreators don't go home stressed and they sleep well at night, dreaming about whether their next emoticon should be a mouse in a tutu or a crow on top of a flag pole.
Heaven knows the possibilities are endless. Heaven knows I already have more than a few emoticons - and l'm dying to use them all.
So you have to get creative, and adjust your texts accordingly.
"Hey," I said to my son the other day. He had texted to tell me he'd be coming for dinner on the weekend.
"Cool," I responded. "By the way, did I ever tell you I went to the circus once when I was a kid?" Bingo, bango. With that, I threw on the circus tent emoticon. Done.
Really, really wanting to use the anchor, running shoe, fried egg, umbrella, violin emoticons all in a single go? Why not tell someone, via text, that after you got off the ferry today, you raced off in search of breakfast in the rain - but, um, decided to take music lessons instead?
As I say, empress of emoticons.
This texting business is way too much fun - but not on account of the words.
