“Never love anything that can’t love you back,” my neighbour declared during a conversation about rising house prices in Tsawwassen and Ladner. Long past retirement age she and her husband had sold their house years ago and have been joyful renters ever since. “All this emphasis on owning your own home is rubbish,” she exclaimed, “The house doesn’t care if you love it, it doesn’t love you back.” Her rejection of home ownership couldn’t of been more timely. I had just sold my house which I bought with my deceased husband nine years ago. It was the home we bought after moving back to our hometown when we knew that after a two year battle with pancreatic cancer he was palliative. It had served a noble cause.
The house was brand new which meant moving my two teenagers and a very ill husband was seamless. I never loved the house, nor would I have chosen to buy it under any other circumstances, but it was beautiful by anyones standards. On a corner lot in a cul de sac, it was a 2,400 square foot family home with natural light and a big yard for our dog. The house was a refuge during those terminal days of his illness and proved a haven from which my husband could pass away in, peacefully. The house saw some very hard days, but it also witnessed growth and transformation.
When I moved to Tsawwassen to live with my new partner I rented my Gibsons house to three different tenants who over the years who took great care of it, until I sold it to a family of five. My neighbour is right, the house doesn’t care that a new family has moved in. I’ve heard the new owners celebrated the birth of another child, changed the carpets, filled the rooms with their belongings, their laughter and activity. They’ve made it their home and I am sure they love it even if it doesn’t love them back.
While it was refreshing to hear someone refuse to be sentimental about home ownership her attitude unnerved me, put me off balance. Here was someone intelligent, with life experience, defiant about the assumption that everyone should be aspiring to home ownership, a goal so ingrained in us I feel it’s part of our DNA. A home is the biggest purchase we will ever make. My neighbour suggests since it can’t love us back why would we embark on such a hefty purchase with no return.
Our Vancouver housing market has drawn the ire of many. The cost of buying a home in my South Delta neighbourhood hovers around the $1 million mark, astonishing! Home ownership has never been so far out of reach for those hoping to live in the Lower Mainland. With five children between us my soon to be new husband and I wonder how they will ever afford to own their own homes.
Purchasing a home is the biggest economic commitment we will ever make but it's also emotional. Perhaps the real discussion is how to separate the feelings we have towards home ownership and the economic facts. Can we afford it, can we manage the financial demands of a home and it’s upkeep? What aspect of our life style are we willing to sacrifice to afford a mortgage?
But it's complicated, those financial practicalities quickly become secondary when we become sentimental and value a home as more than a financial investment and view it as a sign of stability, commitment to family and community. Home is our sanctuary and where our most integral life long relationships flourish.
When my children were 3 and 1 we bought our first house and one of the first things we did was pick a door frame where we could measure our children’s growth. When we moved to our second house it was hard to leave behind those pencil thin lines of numbers and dates etched into the wood that were a timeline of our lives. It was difficult to leave those memories we had built within those four walls. That first house didn’t love us, but we loved it ,and we loved each other in it. Our relationship with a house may be complicated and intangible but our emotions run deep, because owners or renters, home is where the heart is.
