Editor:
Me again, your social propriety gadfly. I've noticed my posts attract few responses - none, actually. I take this to mean they're not being read by those I'm trying to poke in the eye, in turn probably because these folks don't read letters to the editor, if they read at all.
So here's a post I've been saving up that should get a bit more attention.
If you're a domesticated suburbanite but have a Hawg that you roar around on when the sun shines, costumed in the obligatory bad-boy uniform, then get your between-the-legs throb going, because I guarantee you will object to this post.
(Caveat: If you're a motorcycle enthusiast who's chosen any of the very strong bikes deliberately crafted for performance without wasteful thunder, this post doesn't apply to
you; but feel free to share why you made that choice when so many make the other one.) Rather than directly challenge your disrespect for others' preference for quiet, and rather than argue that you have a testosteronedriven, please-notice-me pathology, I propose a simple mental exercise that should engage even your chopper-centric brain. Surely, if you can handle your Hawg, you can cope with a little thought experiment? Imagine someone has invented a motorcycle helmet and companion gear that provides the exact sensory experience your Hawg currently provides - sound, vibration, smell, all of it. The other thing this gear does is make your bike completely silent to others. Yep, you get the experience, they don't. Win-win, right? I bet you wouldn't install
this setup even if it were free and added 100 horsepower to your manhood enhancement device. And what does that say about you, other than that you positively want to forcefully project a bad-boy, up-yours persona that aggravates others? If that's what it says, then I challenge you to either get the psychological help you need or live the bad-boy life for real - quit your job, divorce your family, abandon your friends and make real your Mad Max impersonation.
But no, I expect you prefer the cushy domestic comforter fallback, while not caring that you mess up others' sensibilities while you indulge your antisocial habit.
Come on, Hawgnoxious ones, speak. Show me I'm wrong, but not simply by making even more noise.
Patrick Conroy
